peace.

There are birds flying around in the airport.
I guess I’ve never realized this before about the Denver airport, but there are tiny birds everywhere swooping down and looking like they are barely going to miss hitting people. I like birds so I’m cool with it, other people I’m not so sure…

Every time I leave Colorado I’m filled with mixed emotions. I don’t know how to comprehend them, or to analyze what exactly they mean. There is just overwhelming emotion with the last few years in general. But going to Colorado was a little different for me this time. The last time I was there was October, and David was able to come with me. I remember the gut-wrenching feeling of wishing I was still living there, and the solemn realization that I had made that my life had possibly changed for the worst. After all, I’ve never been one who can handle change all that well. And when you put an extreme family-oriented person 1,500 miles away from family, it does some harm to the soul.

I’m surprised I’m saying this, really, I am… and I’m even wondering if I will mean it once I say it but I think I’m starting to become at peace with not living near the place I call home. It hurts less. Yes, I still feel lonely and sometimes I am down about it, but David is my home.

My mom planned this trip spontaneously. She called me at 9 AM, asked me if I wanted to fly out to Colorado that day, I packed in 15 minutes, and-voila-I ended up seeing my family that day! Because of the fast planning David wasn’t able to make it. I questioned if I should even come by myself, feeling kind of guilty for leaving my poor husband alone to starve and be all by himself… but he encouraged me to come last minute. Thanks, David. I really needed it.

Home is good. It fills the soul and gives you fuel you need through the ups and downs of life. I’m fortunate to have 2 homes. One is with my family in Colorado, the other with my husband in our small condo in Florida. I’m grateful.

Still, I sometimes get upset when I think about the future and how my children aren’t going to be near their grandparents all the time like I was. One set of grandparents live down the street from my parents, and the other live 3 hours away in Laramie, Wyoming. It didn’t matter what I did – whether it was a play I was in, a talent show, a birthday, or the holidays – I always had them around. And yes, I’m blessed to have David’s family just a drive away, but it isn’t the same as my family. Sometimes I feel wrong for saying that, like I’m selfish or ungrateful… I love my mother in-law don’t get me wrong… I’ve just always had this vision of me and my mom going to Toys ‘R Us and buying baby stuff together, having fun mom-daughter dates, baby showers where all my relatives can be there, etc. And not knowing if that’s going to happen for me is tough. (Why all the baby talk? I just really want kids. No, we’re not pregnant. Yes, we’re still planning to wait awhile).

I haven’t even spent Christmas with my family since I’ve been married. We haven’t been able to afford coming the last two Christmases, so I’m hoping we can make it this year.

Moving away is tough.

But, really, this week away from my husband (first time we’ve been away from each other since being married) has been good in so many ways. Makes me miss him more, reflect on us more, and get excited about our future together. David just accepted a job I know he is going to love, and I’m proud of him and happy for him.
I’ve realized how good we are for each other and how much God really knew what He was doing when He put us together (and I vow to read this post when I’m thinking otherwise). David is my love, my life.

I know I always say I’m going to post pictures, but this time I promise I will. They will be on here in the next few days!

P.S. I've been a slacker with the posts, and I also vow to write more! And take more pictures!

car crash.

Yesterday was an awesome day. I had a great day with Brandy and Chandler. I took them to the park, and then down the road where chickens wander the area. I took some pictures but haven't had time to edit them yet so they will be up on my next post.

My day changed on the way to Bingo rehearsal last night I got into a car accident.
Two cars in front of me was a sudden stop. The car in front of me slammed on their brakes, inches away from hitting the car in front of them. They said they were prepared for what would happen next-me hitting them. Which is exactly what happened. I was aware of what was happening but I had a few seconds to react. Slamming on my brakes didn't give me enough time to completely stop the vehicle.

I'm fine, they were fine... and I have to say, I'm so thankful for their reaction. They were gentle, kind and patient. They kept making sure I was okay even though their car was in bad shape and my car didn't get quite as much damage. My car still won't drive, though. Something was leaking and my tires ended up locking up (no air bag went off and I am very thankful for that... I don't want to get hit in the face with one of those EVER). I didn't get a citation or anything like that.

My car is currently in a towyard waiting for the insurance adjuster to get there. We'll see what happens. I'm praying and believing that our insurance won't skyrocket now. We cannot afford that at all right now with David looking for work and with me only working 30 hrs a week.

I'm thankful I'm still alive... I could have gone into the oncoming lane where a semi was (and in my first reaction, that's where I was heading. But I hit the car before I completely got in that lane). God has protected me twice now in accidents. He has a plan for me.

My neck is a little sore today. My father in law is encouraging me to get it checked out. I think that's probably a good idea.

Have a great week everyone!

changing direction.

I've really been slacking with the blog posts. Lately I just haven't been very inspired and didn't know what to talk about.

To be honest with you and with myself, lately I've needed a lot of self-evaluation. What do I mean? Well, to put it simply, my heart hasn't been completely pure since leaving our church. I've had little annoyances and bitterness with every church we've visited - I've been looking at each church and evaluating something about them, always finding something wrong. I've been extremely Debby Downer and negative. Because I've been hurt, I've built a wall, blocking the positive and letting in the negative. And I'm writing this and telling you this personal part of me because I want you to know, as my friends and family, that I've been going through this for weeks but I want to change. I want to have a positive outlook on life. I want to believe in myself and others. I want to love deeper and get annoyed less.

I just don't really know where to start.

You know that stage that most of us go through in our adolescence where we are self conscious, don't have faith in ourselves, think we can't do things, etc? I never went through that as a child. I never went through that as a preteen, or even a teenager. I'm going through it now.
Those pitiful voices are always in my head saying I'm not good enough - in whatever area of life it is. And yes, it may because I happen to be a girl, but it's more than that. A part of me has believed these voices and lies, and I've been suffering as a result. I mean, I've been really miserable the last few months, always wanting to compare myself to those more successful, beating myself up because I'm 20 and haven't accomplished much of anything.

But I so have. More than most 20 year olds. I know this to be true when I allow myself to not dismiss the reality and turn it into a lie. I'm a strong person. And I found the love of my life at 18 years old when there are people searching for their soul mate. I'm blessed and accomplished. I've overcome heartache, depression and sadness when I realized the world I had 1,600 miles away will never be the same.

I need to learn how to praise myself... not think more highly of myself than I do of others but to love myself, the strengths and WEAKNESSES, whether I've lost weight or gained, whether or not I can hit that high note or belt a song out like Carrie Underwood.

Today's sermon at church spoke to me. Pastor said that the more we focus on the bad or negative things, the more we will be that person. The more we focus on the positive and great things, the more we will become that person. Simply said, but deep.

I need to change my focus and direction. I want to have a gift of looking at somebody and seeing the great things about them, rather than the negatives (we all do it from time to time).
I want to recognize the great things about me and work on the bad things cheerfully.


I hope that in the next few months you will be seeing a more positive change in me, and see the light of Jesus more brightly than you could before. If you know me personally, I'm giving you permission to call me out on my junk. We are here to support each other and build one another.

"All things are possible to Him who believes."
Mark 9:23

wrapping paper rolls.

Watch


Read

So, today was just like any other day. David and I were on our way to celebrate his mom's birthday and we were about to leave to drive to a fancy restaurant.

Like usual, I walk out of the door and go down the stairs, expecting to hear David behind me. But he wasn't. He was still inside. I walk down the sidewalk and he opens the front door.

"I need the keys," he says. He needed my keys to lock the front door.
"So, go get your keys," I replied.
"Give me yours."
"No, I'm all the way down here and you are all the way up there."

I have terrible aim, even if I threw the keys up there they would miss and I would have to go and fetch them from who knows where.

"Shaylee, just give me the keys," David persisted.
I started to get a little aggravated. Why does he need my keys when he can just walk inside and get his keys to lock the door? He's closer to his keys than he is to mine!

"Shaylee, we have to go! Give the keys!"
"But I can't-I can't throw!"
"Yes you can!"
"It won't make it! I'm really bad!"

In a desperate attempt mixed with annoyance, I flung the keys up in the air. Right before my eyes they passed David veering to the right, to the right, to the right... to the roof.

We heard clinking several times, and then I slowly looked over at David and gulped.
Crap.
He looked at me back, went inside, grabbed his keys, locked the door, and we walked to his car together.
We didn't have time to fix the solution at this point.

************

After telling his family the story (and his grandma an extra 5 because she kept forgetting and each time we told her she thought it was the funniest thing), David called our condo maintenance people and they told us it would cost $25 to get it down. The keys were like a foot from the edge and we knew we could get them off if we just had a latter or long pole. But we didn't have either.

When we got home, David grabbed his old Magic signed basketball and tried bouncing it on the keys. He had good aim and kept hitting the keys but they were just laying there. It didn't seem to work. So I went inside and starting looking through everything, trying to find something long enough that could stretch to get them down.

Then I thought of it.
I immediately went to the closet, took all the wrapping paper off the rolls, and taped three together. I walked outside and handed it to David. He seemed impressed, I liked that.

Within a few seconds, my keys came clunking off the roof onto the ground!
Team work for the Meurers!!!









This story is proof that marriage is arguing and conquering all in one day :)
Happy Valentine's Day!

the future?

Right now I feel like a 500 pound man in an oven.
These past few days I'm pretty sure I've sweated off all the water that
I have consumed.

Yep, I'm sick again. This is like my senior year of high school all over again. During my senior year I had strep 5 times, ear infection once, pinworm twice (worst thing ever) and sinus infection once... with stomach pains continually ongoing and we never found out what was wrong with my stomach.

And then I married a man with an incredibly strong immune system. His mom can probably count on one hand the amount of times he has been ill. And since I've known him (September 2008) he was sick once with the common cold.

Grrr.

I guess I really don't have a chance. I work with kids, don't get enough sleep, and I bite my nails (which I was very good about not doing for about two months... it's a bad vice)

I have a throat infection but I definitely think there's more to it than that. And, really, sometimes I get mad at doctors... but not until after I get out of the doctor's office and realize that I just paid a $25 dollar copay for her to tell me what I already know.

My tonsils are gigantic. Most of my sicknesses have started with my tonsils.
Unfortunately, the doctor never recommended that I'd get them out when I was younger and when recovery time is less than a week.
They say if you're 21 or over the recovery time is close to a month. First few days are a breeze because you're drugged up on your morphine... but then day 3 hits. You can't even swallow. It feels like glass is sliding down your throat. After about 5 days, you start throwing up blood and blood clots (from when blood was swallowed during surgery)... normally spend the night in the ER. After week two you can finally start to eat things that aren't frozen fruit bars or ice. But get this: the scabs that formed after your tonsils were removed have a very vile smell and you can taste and smell them until they come off (yuck). Week three you can eat cooked noodles.
The total experience causes most people to lose 20 pounds.
It's misery. Yet there is a part of me that wants it... I just want to get them out so I don't have to be sick like this continuously.
And then I read that singer's voices don't change to other people, but the way that you hear yourself is completely different and you have to get a vocal coach to help you through it. It takes about 3-5 months for you to finally get use to singing without tonsils.


That's a lot. But it has given me something to atleast think about.

So for those of you that are reading this during the day, please pray hard for me today.
We are recording a worship session with our friends at Church in the Son, and I'm going to be singing... that is not physically possible for me right now. We are leaving in 4 hours.

Honestly, I am scared, hurting and nervous. I truly just want to sleep all day long and not go. But leading worship is David's ultimate calling, and I am going to try and pull through for him.
It's nuts to sing with a throat infection. Truly nuts.

I need more faith sometimes, but it's hard to grasp it when all you can feel is pain--physical, spiritual or emotional. I will let you know how it goes and, as always, thanks for your support. xox

bingo.

One of my biggest passions is performing on stage,
it's both fun and challenging for me to play somebody other than myself.
Since I was very young I have had this adrenaline rush while performing
and I have to say it's rather addicting.
It's been awhile since my last show.
Three years to be exact.

I am completely an amateur, out of the loop... whatever you want to call it.
But I have the biggest desire to work on my craft, to challenge myself, and to get
back into my first love of performing.

A little over a week ago I decided to start auditioning again after 3 years.
My sister in law took some headshots of me and I was on my way - I went to 4 total auditions, and the 2nd one I went to was for the role of Alison in Bingo the Musical.
A few days later, I received an email from the director of the show.
She said she "doesn't do this really ever" but asked me to be the understudy for the show.

I jumped at the chance but David was a little hesitant.
The theatre is 45 minutes away and I drive an SUV... talk about killing gas.
But you know what? I'm so excited and I feel so blessed that I jumped back into it and so quickly found a show to be in for awhile... it almost feels unreal, even if I am just an understudy.
Being an understudy is still a compliment.
I get to learn all the songs, learn the movements, improve in my skills, and gain experience all at once!
I'm so excited and felt that this needed its own blog post.

This is the beginning of great things to come, and of getting closer to my dreams!
www.bingothemusical.com

Thankful

Take a look below at the video of me singing "Thankful" by Kelly Clarkson... let me know what you think or if you have a song for me, please send it my way. This song is for an audition that does not require a Broadway tune. :)


(Yes my face looks funny... wish I could figure out how to get a different thumbnail. Haha)

bold.

Even though I have a personality similar to a golden retriever (steady & loyal), occasionally the fierce lion can come out.

It hasn't been out in awhile though, and I'm just recently discovering it again, saying "hello" and seeing what happens.
My friends use to describe me as audacious.
Is it possible I can be that same girl?

This past year (2010) just felt like a year of low-self esteem, of hiding out and being scared or nervous or just plain lonesome. I guess we all have those moments as they're inevitable - but having them all at the same time feels so deadly. My soul was crushed this last year and while I've been putting the pieces back together (with a BIG help from the Man upstairs) I've discovered the things that kept me sane, made me feel alive - my passions, fantasies, dreams, desires, hopes and wishes.

It's so easy to take those things and push them away,
often because of a critical comment or the way we are perceived by somebody else.

But if it's real,
it will come back.
Those things that once felt so far away start to make their way to the surface, gleaming proudly.

And that's when you realize that it was there all along, even when you thought it left.
This, more often than not, is how I feel about God. I'll be walking great in my faith, feeling close to Him and then-wham!-what happened? Why do I feel so far from God? I can do without Him. Or maybe I can't. Wait, I know I can't. I knew that all along because I'm His child.

And the cycle continues.
We never have everything together.
Not even those that look like they do. You know who I'm talking about, we all have them-
those facebook friends that are always beaming in their pictures and make their statuses sound like they are more interesting than we are when, in a sense, they can be putting on a facade because we all feel the same things, we all go through the trials, and they do not have their lives together.

We are all just put on a chaotic world and we have to learn by our mistakes and failures in order to grow and paint the canvas of what we want our lives to look like.

I'm tired of the timid Shaylee that has been as of lately.
I'm not created that way.
I may not have it together, but I want to make a commitment to constantly push myself even when I feel too scared to keep going or even when I feel burdened by sadness as those emotions occur often within me.

With God, I have potential.
He wants to use me for something BIG!
Believe it or not, He feels the same way about you.
Don't believe me?

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor 9:8)


I'm going to bookmark this page for a reminder during those times when I'd rather be a golden retriever in my faith and fail to be a LION.
I hope maybe you'll do the same.
I'm challenging myself this year to take a leap of faith, to rediscover my passions and my heart, and to weave God into it all.


If you feel like sharing below, tell me one thing God has really changed your heart on. Some things for me are my current situation, my marriage, and the talents He has given me.

and the adventure begins

What better way to start a new season in our lives than traveling to Miami for a few days to catch up with one of our greatest friends, Aaron? Whenever I'm about to start packing for a trip where I'm seeing someone I love and never see (which is almost everyone, considering how I moved clear across the country) I get so excited that I could literally jump 20 feet high and do a weird high-pitched mating call of some sort. Yes, I'm a pretty calm and easy-going person, but reuniting is my favorite thing of all time. It brings out the crazy side most will never see!

(I intended to put pictures here of us with Aaron, but iLife 2011 is downloading so it won't let me open my iPhoto, and facebook is being weird so I can't get the pics of there...weird...)

Now all we have to do is hope that the Civic runs smoothly. It's been one thing after another with our cars. I admit it's been stressing me out! I had to get the the driveshaft joint fixed, then a day later I have a flat tire. Now come to find out I have to put more work on my car. Then this morning David's check engine light came on. By then we just laughed. What else could we do?

Reminds me of the new Francesca Battistelli song. I wasn't able to find it on playlist.com so I am going to embed a video of her singing live (pause the player below to listen).
All the trials whether big or small that we go through all align to God and the purpose that He has. I certainly don't understand it all the time, but He's God and we aren't suppose to!



I will post in a few days! :)

change.

I'm not always so great with change and getting completely out of my comfort zone but I know that as a Christian woman I need to be prepared for anything and be sensitive to what God tells me in my life.

Lately, He has spoken a lot and our world has flipped.
Yesterday was our last Sunday at the church we've been leading worship for the last 10 months. We were faced with much adversity from our worship team and even some members of the church. At first I thought things could get better, that people would start to accept and respect my husband and we would all love each other and be happy.
But I know this isn't a perfect world. We are all completely full of flaws, character defects, and problems... but that still didn't stop my heart breaking for my husband.
Through all the trials and tribulations he endured, it was very clear how faithful he was to listening to God's voice and to follow his true calling. Many times I flat out told him, "We need to leave the church. I can't take it anymore" and he said, very calmly, "That's not what it's about, Shaylee."

And it truly isn't.
No matter where we go or what we do in this life we are going to be with others that don't like us one bit, are opposed to the way we are or the things we do, and will always find something wrong with us. That's okay. We are here to spread the gospel through love and grace because that is who God is to us.

I admit we've been hurt by some things that have been said or done against us, but I believe we are in a rapid healing process. Though it's hard and the easy thing to do would be to hold grudges and just walk away, I am forgiving these people without them even offering an apology. It's an awareness that we are fallen creatures and I am no different than any of them. I, too, have gossiped about people and have destroyed them with my tongue. I have treated people poorly because they didn't see my view on things. I'm a sinner rescued by the grace of God.

Knowing God has these people covered and I don't need to dwell on it is peaceful for me. He is in complete control over the church and the leaders. He can change anyone's heart or mind in a second.

Unfortunately, this kind of situation is what brings a lot of people further from God and bitter with the church. And that breaks my heart, truly. At a place where we are suppose to feel accepted, loved and embraced, many people often feel attacked, unwelcomed, and judged. I think it's extremely important to remember this. These aren't just statistics, but the reality we are living in. To the believers in Christ that are reading my blog you all need to pray.
Pray for your church, your leaders, the people who come to your church every week and don't feel welcomed, and also pray for your heart. The heart can be very deceitful and we can be so comfortable in our bubble that we forget to extend our hands and reach out. I, too, am so guilty of this and I know I need to be led by the Spirit more.

I'm so grateful for the past 10 months. I've met some great friends that will forever be my family, I've learned a lot not only about ministry but about God, I love the youth of the church and think they are amazing and wonderful, and our Pastor was a true Shepherd. He doesn't only minister to the congregation on Sunday mornings but every day of the week at every hour. He is so compassionate and loving and he gave us a chance. We walked into the church freshly married and out of worship school, young and naive (still are I'm sure) and this Pastor knew we would not be the most experienced of all people, but he trusted us. He knew that we could build relationships with people and he saw our potential.

Even at the last moments of being there the only word I can think of is grateful because this experience has made me and David closer to each other and both of us closer to God. Isn't it crazy that in the hard times we can feel God's presence so much more because we need it? We can feel Him in the good times, too, but the bad times His presence is so much more apparent.

We have a great God.

Oh, and I've been sticking to all my New Years resolutions so far.
I've lost 5 pounds,
I learned "Can you Feel the Love Tonight" on the piano with both hands (don't ask about the song choice, it just happened that way),
and I have several auditions this week that I'm going to.

And I dyed my hair back to red. I figured that 2011 would be a year of change. It certainly is. So I needed a 'do that would fit that. It's totally rockin'.

We don't know what's next or even where we are going, but it's the start of a great adventure. I'm truly excited for it, and a little nervous at the same time.
God's the author of our lives and right now I know He is grinning and saying, "My plans are huge. Just you wait and see."

a weekend to remember.

My niece, nephew, brother-in-law and sister-in-law came in last week to spend the next few days with us here in Orlando. We had a lovely time together and, as always with them, I took many pictures. I will have a "deep" blog later this week, but for now enjoy the pictures!

PARK





Look at his face... he was on the verge of crying.







CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS










BEACH HOUSE FOR NEW YEARS






















A little wine while playing "Pretty Pretty Princess"








DISNEY WORLD & RACHAEL GETTING A PRINCESS MAKEOVER



I call this picture "Shaylee needs a serious hair makeover." I'm getting on that very soon.


Rachael awaiting her makeover








This is her trying to pucker her lips.

Her fairy godmother is pouring fairy dust (glitter) on her head and having her make a wish



This was the moment we were all waiting for - to see her facial expression when she saw herself for the first time. This picture cracks me up. Look at all the photographers in the reflection of the mirror. She has her own paparazzi:





After the makeover we went to Cinderella's Palace to eat breakfast and we met all the princesses.







He's legit.





Slowly approaching Woody...




Couldn't get Rachael in there... oops!

I love these shows. It's my dream to be in one - singing




Mickey is Sal's idol.



So, call it the Disney spirit I always gain right after a day of magical shows and rides, but I wish and hope all your dreams come true in 2011. It's only 365 days, so make it count.
I just took 4 hours today going through pictures and putting them all on here, so I am going to spend time with them in their last hours here.