changing direction.

I've really been slacking with the blog posts. Lately I just haven't been very inspired and didn't know what to talk about.

To be honest with you and with myself, lately I've needed a lot of self-evaluation. What do I mean? Well, to put it simply, my heart hasn't been completely pure since leaving our church. I've had little annoyances and bitterness with every church we've visited - I've been looking at each church and evaluating something about them, always finding something wrong. I've been extremely Debby Downer and negative. Because I've been hurt, I've built a wall, blocking the positive and letting in the negative. And I'm writing this and telling you this personal part of me because I want you to know, as my friends and family, that I've been going through this for weeks but I want to change. I want to have a positive outlook on life. I want to believe in myself and others. I want to love deeper and get annoyed less.

I just don't really know where to start.

You know that stage that most of us go through in our adolescence where we are self conscious, don't have faith in ourselves, think we can't do things, etc? I never went through that as a child. I never went through that as a preteen, or even a teenager. I'm going through it now.
Those pitiful voices are always in my head saying I'm not good enough - in whatever area of life it is. And yes, it may because I happen to be a girl, but it's more than that. A part of me has believed these voices and lies, and I've been suffering as a result. I mean, I've been really miserable the last few months, always wanting to compare myself to those more successful, beating myself up because I'm 20 and haven't accomplished much of anything.

But I so have. More than most 20 year olds. I know this to be true when I allow myself to not dismiss the reality and turn it into a lie. I'm a strong person. And I found the love of my life at 18 years old when there are people searching for their soul mate. I'm blessed and accomplished. I've overcome heartache, depression and sadness when I realized the world I had 1,600 miles away will never be the same.

I need to learn how to praise myself... not think more highly of myself than I do of others but to love myself, the strengths and WEAKNESSES, whether I've lost weight or gained, whether or not I can hit that high note or belt a song out like Carrie Underwood.

Today's sermon at church spoke to me. Pastor said that the more we focus on the bad or negative things, the more we will be that person. The more we focus on the positive and great things, the more we will become that person. Simply said, but deep.

I need to change my focus and direction. I want to have a gift of looking at somebody and seeing the great things about them, rather than the negatives (we all do it from time to time).
I want to recognize the great things about me and work on the bad things cheerfully.


I hope that in the next few months you will be seeing a more positive change in me, and see the light of Jesus more brightly than you could before. If you know me personally, I'm giving you permission to call me out on my junk. We are here to support each other and build one another.

"All things are possible to Him who believes."
Mark 9:23

wrapping paper rolls.

Watch


Read

So, today was just like any other day. David and I were on our way to celebrate his mom's birthday and we were about to leave to drive to a fancy restaurant.

Like usual, I walk out of the door and go down the stairs, expecting to hear David behind me. But he wasn't. He was still inside. I walk down the sidewalk and he opens the front door.

"I need the keys," he says. He needed my keys to lock the front door.
"So, go get your keys," I replied.
"Give me yours."
"No, I'm all the way down here and you are all the way up there."

I have terrible aim, even if I threw the keys up there they would miss and I would have to go and fetch them from who knows where.

"Shaylee, just give me the keys," David persisted.
I started to get a little aggravated. Why does he need my keys when he can just walk inside and get his keys to lock the door? He's closer to his keys than he is to mine!

"Shaylee, we have to go! Give the keys!"
"But I can't-I can't throw!"
"Yes you can!"
"It won't make it! I'm really bad!"

In a desperate attempt mixed with annoyance, I flung the keys up in the air. Right before my eyes they passed David veering to the right, to the right, to the right... to the roof.

We heard clinking several times, and then I slowly looked over at David and gulped.
Crap.
He looked at me back, went inside, grabbed his keys, locked the door, and we walked to his car together.
We didn't have time to fix the solution at this point.

************

After telling his family the story (and his grandma an extra 5 because she kept forgetting and each time we told her she thought it was the funniest thing), David called our condo maintenance people and they told us it would cost $25 to get it down. The keys were like a foot from the edge and we knew we could get them off if we just had a latter or long pole. But we didn't have either.

When we got home, David grabbed his old Magic signed basketball and tried bouncing it on the keys. He had good aim and kept hitting the keys but they were just laying there. It didn't seem to work. So I went inside and starting looking through everything, trying to find something long enough that could stretch to get them down.

Then I thought of it.
I immediately went to the closet, took all the wrapping paper off the rolls, and taped three together. I walked outside and handed it to David. He seemed impressed, I liked that.

Within a few seconds, my keys came clunking off the roof onto the ground!
Team work for the Meurers!!!









This story is proof that marriage is arguing and conquering all in one day :)
Happy Valentine's Day!

the future?

Right now I feel like a 500 pound man in an oven.
These past few days I'm pretty sure I've sweated off all the water that
I have consumed.

Yep, I'm sick again. This is like my senior year of high school all over again. During my senior year I had strep 5 times, ear infection once, pinworm twice (worst thing ever) and sinus infection once... with stomach pains continually ongoing and we never found out what was wrong with my stomach.

And then I married a man with an incredibly strong immune system. His mom can probably count on one hand the amount of times he has been ill. And since I've known him (September 2008) he was sick once with the common cold.

Grrr.

I guess I really don't have a chance. I work with kids, don't get enough sleep, and I bite my nails (which I was very good about not doing for about two months... it's a bad vice)

I have a throat infection but I definitely think there's more to it than that. And, really, sometimes I get mad at doctors... but not until after I get out of the doctor's office and realize that I just paid a $25 dollar copay for her to tell me what I already know.

My tonsils are gigantic. Most of my sicknesses have started with my tonsils.
Unfortunately, the doctor never recommended that I'd get them out when I was younger and when recovery time is less than a week.
They say if you're 21 or over the recovery time is close to a month. First few days are a breeze because you're drugged up on your morphine... but then day 3 hits. You can't even swallow. It feels like glass is sliding down your throat. After about 5 days, you start throwing up blood and blood clots (from when blood was swallowed during surgery)... normally spend the night in the ER. After week two you can finally start to eat things that aren't frozen fruit bars or ice. But get this: the scabs that formed after your tonsils were removed have a very vile smell and you can taste and smell them until they come off (yuck). Week three you can eat cooked noodles.
The total experience causes most people to lose 20 pounds.
It's misery. Yet there is a part of me that wants it... I just want to get them out so I don't have to be sick like this continuously.
And then I read that singer's voices don't change to other people, but the way that you hear yourself is completely different and you have to get a vocal coach to help you through it. It takes about 3-5 months for you to finally get use to singing without tonsils.


That's a lot. But it has given me something to atleast think about.

So for those of you that are reading this during the day, please pray hard for me today.
We are recording a worship session with our friends at Church in the Son, and I'm going to be singing... that is not physically possible for me right now. We are leaving in 4 hours.

Honestly, I am scared, hurting and nervous. I truly just want to sleep all day long and not go. But leading worship is David's ultimate calling, and I am going to try and pull through for him.
It's nuts to sing with a throat infection. Truly nuts.

I need more faith sometimes, but it's hard to grasp it when all you can feel is pain--physical, spiritual or emotional. I will let you know how it goes and, as always, thanks for your support. xox

bingo.

One of my biggest passions is performing on stage,
it's both fun and challenging for me to play somebody other than myself.
Since I was very young I have had this adrenaline rush while performing
and I have to say it's rather addicting.
It's been awhile since my last show.
Three years to be exact.

I am completely an amateur, out of the loop... whatever you want to call it.
But I have the biggest desire to work on my craft, to challenge myself, and to get
back into my first love of performing.

A little over a week ago I decided to start auditioning again after 3 years.
My sister in law took some headshots of me and I was on my way - I went to 4 total auditions, and the 2nd one I went to was for the role of Alison in Bingo the Musical.
A few days later, I received an email from the director of the show.
She said she "doesn't do this really ever" but asked me to be the understudy for the show.

I jumped at the chance but David was a little hesitant.
The theatre is 45 minutes away and I drive an SUV... talk about killing gas.
But you know what? I'm so excited and I feel so blessed that I jumped back into it and so quickly found a show to be in for awhile... it almost feels unreal, even if I am just an understudy.
Being an understudy is still a compliment.
I get to learn all the songs, learn the movements, improve in my skills, and gain experience all at once!
I'm so excited and felt that this needed its own blog post.

This is the beginning of great things to come, and of getting closer to my dreams!
www.bingothemusical.com

Thankful

Take a look below at the video of me singing "Thankful" by Kelly Clarkson... let me know what you think or if you have a song for me, please send it my way. This song is for an audition that does not require a Broadway tune. :)


(Yes my face looks funny... wish I could figure out how to get a different thumbnail. Haha)