the future?

Right now I feel like a 500 pound man in an oven.
These past few days I'm pretty sure I've sweated off all the water that
I have consumed.

Yep, I'm sick again. This is like my senior year of high school all over again. During my senior year I had strep 5 times, ear infection once, pinworm twice (worst thing ever) and sinus infection once... with stomach pains continually ongoing and we never found out what was wrong with my stomach.

And then I married a man with an incredibly strong immune system. His mom can probably count on one hand the amount of times he has been ill. And since I've known him (September 2008) he was sick once with the common cold.

Grrr.

I guess I really don't have a chance. I work with kids, don't get enough sleep, and I bite my nails (which I was very good about not doing for about two months... it's a bad vice)

I have a throat infection but I definitely think there's more to it than that. And, really, sometimes I get mad at doctors... but not until after I get out of the doctor's office and realize that I just paid a $25 dollar copay for her to tell me what I already know.

My tonsils are gigantic. Most of my sicknesses have started with my tonsils.
Unfortunately, the doctor never recommended that I'd get them out when I was younger and when recovery time is less than a week.
They say if you're 21 or over the recovery time is close to a month. First few days are a breeze because you're drugged up on your morphine... but then day 3 hits. You can't even swallow. It feels like glass is sliding down your throat. After about 5 days, you start throwing up blood and blood clots (from when blood was swallowed during surgery)... normally spend the night in the ER. After week two you can finally start to eat things that aren't frozen fruit bars or ice. But get this: the scabs that formed after your tonsils were removed have a very vile smell and you can taste and smell them until they come off (yuck). Week three you can eat cooked noodles.
The total experience causes most people to lose 20 pounds.
It's misery. Yet there is a part of me that wants it... I just want to get them out so I don't have to be sick like this continuously.
And then I read that singer's voices don't change to other people, but the way that you hear yourself is completely different and you have to get a vocal coach to help you through it. It takes about 3-5 months for you to finally get use to singing without tonsils.


That's a lot. But it has given me something to atleast think about.

So for those of you that are reading this during the day, please pray hard for me today.
We are recording a worship session with our friends at Church in the Son, and I'm going to be singing... that is not physically possible for me right now. We are leaving in 4 hours.

Honestly, I am scared, hurting and nervous. I truly just want to sleep all day long and not go. But leading worship is David's ultimate calling, and I am going to try and pull through for him.
It's nuts to sing with a throat infection. Truly nuts.

I need more faith sometimes, but it's hard to grasp it when all you can feel is pain--physical, spiritual or emotional. I will let you know how it goes and, as always, thanks for your support. xox