22 weeks.

I feel so huge already and I'm barely past halfway! I feel like I blew up this last week and I'm getting bigger by the second. Lol. Goodness gracious!  I'm a little bit nervous now of the next 18 weeks or so and what I'll be looking like at that point.  Midwife said that baby is growing healthy and strong and all is well.

How far along? 22 weeks

Total weight gain: 6lbs

Maternity clothes: I can still fit in my regular clothes; however, I did start wearing my maternity jeans this week and they were oh, so heavenly.

Stretch marks? They're arriving, so I got Cocoa Butter and apply it twice a day

Sleep: Lack of it this week

Best moment this week: Feeling her move around

Miss anything? No

Movement:  Yes!

Food cravings: See chart

Anything making you queasy or sick? Same. Garlic, Chicken.

Gender: Girly girl.

Labour signs: No.

Symptoms: Backaches, and so tired!

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Moody

Looking forward to: When David can feel her kick

black friday.

I woke up this afternoon around 12:30, groggly and barely able to walk.  All I could remember was going to bed groggly and barely being able to walk.

Oh, the world of difference the Black Friday experience was this year as a pregnant shopper!
We started at 8 pm at Walmart and ended around 5 am at the mall.  I didn't do as terribly as I thought I would, but it obviously didn't measure up to the years before.  By the way, I'm not an aggressive, crazy maniac shopper... I just like going every year for the experience and to snag a great deal here and there. Like the $99 bike I got at Sports Authority.

Two back massages from David and a hot bath later, we put up our tree and lights and all our fun little decorations.  This year I had him help me a little more than usual.  Normally, it starts off as a project we do together and at the end I'm tangled up in lights and he's somewhere else.  Ha ha.  So, this was a nice change and we got it done a lot more quickly.

I love our tiny condo, but especially during Christmas.  It just turns magical.

And, in honor, of the Christmas decorating, I had to wear something a little festive.  Baby is growing!!

sweet girl.

Since before I can remember, I've always felt very strongly in my spirit that two things would happen in my life.  And both are now true.
1.  Get married young.
2.  Have a baby girl.

Ok, so I haven't had her yet, but I'm carrying her with me right now. Everywhere I go and every step I take, she's with me.  She is at the safest place she will ever be. She's warm and happy and growing.  She has everything she needs where she is right now. A part of me wants to keep her there forever because this world scares me and I already want to protect her from all harm and face it for her.

But I know it's my job to only carry her for a certain time, and then she has to make her entrance, and she has to live her life; to grow from her mistakes and persevere through the hurt and pain.  But she already has this special place in my heart.  I knew she was a girl since the beginning weeks of pregnancy.  I felt that bond and connection to her even though she was seriously making me so sick and all I wanted to do was curl up in a ball and not be pregnant anymore.  It's a feeling I can't describe.

I saw her face on that monitor yesterday and I haven't stopped thinking about her since.  I can't help but to think of all the incredible things she's going to accomplish with her life.  The people she'll touch,  the love she will captivate.  I know she's going to be a world-changer.  Whether it's with music, or with words, or maybe a completely different path in medicine or science--there's something special about this little girl.

Yesterday during my ultrasound she was asleep in the beginning.  I had my ultrasound at 8 AM and hadn't eaten yet so she wasn't moving.  Then the ultrasound tech started pushing the doppler, shaking her and waking her up.  It was so funny to watch.  And throughout the whole ultrasound she moved from near my bladder all the way up to my rib.

The woman's body amazes me.  I still can't believe that a tiny little seed--formed from sperm and egg--can turn into a baby, child, adult and then an elder.  It makes me look at life from a whole other angle.  It makes my belief in God even stronger.
A year ago I probably would have cringed if you told me I was going to have a baby, and now I can't imagine it any other way.  God knew what was best for me and He is blessing me with the biggest miracle.  I'm so elated.  *Off to Pinterest* :)

And some things I'm really excited about:

And David?

we're having a...

19 weeks/3 year wedding anniversary.

I'm 19 Weeks anddddd today is our 3rd year Wedding Anniversary!  We spent a few days in St. Augustine and I will be sure to make a special post all about it!  Can't believe how quickly time flies.  When you're married to your best friend, time flies especially!

How far along? 19 weeks

Total weight gain: I haven't stepped on the scale yet, but I'm assuming I still haven't gained any weight.

Maternity clothes: Still none.

Stretch marks? I believe I am starting to see them now and I need to get some lotion for that.

Sleep: Getting more and more every day, but I'm still not as restful as I was pre-pregnancy.

Best moment this week: Sitting around a campfire playing music with my husband and total strangers.  We were literally just passing the guitar around and baby was loving the music.  With two parents who are musically inclined,  I doubt this baby won't be totally moved by music.  But, we shall see!

Miss anything? Wine.  David and I went to a wine tasting and I had a sip of this red wine and my tastebuds went crazy!!! It was so good and we were given a free bottle for our anniversary so I'm looking forward to drinking that after baby is born.

Movement:  Yes!

Food cravings: Yes, as my appetite is coming back I'm starting to crave real foods with zero to none sugar content which I am very happy about because I can finally give this baby nutrients.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Smells.  Especially fast food.  I just can't handle it at all.  I can't even walk into a fast food restaurant.  I guess that's a good thing :)

Gender: We will know in 5 days!

Labour signs: No.

Symptoms: Just little bouts of nausea, mostly when I'm on an empty stomach, and stretching/pulling/cramping.

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy

Looking forward to: Next week! Gender ultrasound!  What do you think baby is going to be??

leaving buffalo/18 weeks.

There's a good reason I'm posting two days late. We left Buffalo on Wednesday and returned home to Florida.  I was so sad to leave the cold weather and beautiful fall colors on all the trees and go home to a state I find very plain and boring.  I know that sounds bad but that's the way I've been viewing it lately.  Next week is our 3rd Anniversary, which marks me living in Central Florida for 3 years.  I've met wonderful people here, but I've been feeling a longing in my spirit to leave and to start our little family in a new place, a new environment, a new home.  I want to start over fresh and rejuvenated.  And every time I go inside our condo all I can think about is the nausea I've felt these last few months.  Is that terrible?  I'm just being real. 

I'm ready to start over.  I just want it to be God's will, not mine.  And David agrees.  I've made the move across-country before and it's definitely not some simple act that I can breeze through.  When we move, hopefully sooner than later, I want it to be because we heard God's voice in it and we are being obedient.

So, here I am at 18 Weeks!  Only new things this week is that I have felt him/her move a lot, and also on Monday, whilst in Buffalo, I tripped over a baby gate and landed on my head. Ouchie.  I'll show you in the next vlog.  I wasn't able to get a vlog made this week.  Ever since we got back I've been running around!

The following questions were taken from a blog I follow and absolutely adore:  annasaccone.com.  I'm going to do this weekly!

How far along? 18w2d

Total weight gain: 0

Maternity clothes: Still none.

Stretch marks? I think there are some faint lines, but I'm not quite sure.

Sleep: I'm learning to control it better.  I go to bed early, and wake up early.  Since I'm a morning person, this seems to work best for me.  David has hogged the bed less, but when he starts to get carried away I just tell him he needs to move, and he will. :)

Best moment this week: I've started feeling movement!  Flutters, or quickening as they call them.  I think I started feeling them around 17w2d.  I feel them at night and when I bend over.

Miss anything? I've been missing beer, which is weird.  I've never been a big alcohol fan but having to abstain from it makes me want it... especially with all the seasonal pumpkin beers!!

Movement:Yes... have yet to feel a kick (obviously) but the flutters are fast and quick.

Food cravings: Not really, no.  Just candy but that isn't anything new.

Anything making you queasy or sick? The smell of meat, the smell of David's breath, the smell of a gas stove, the taste/smell of garlic, and the smell of fast food... it all has to do with my nose!!

Gender:I'm officially convinced it's a girl.  I've had to stop myself from saying "She" a few times.

Labour signs: No.

Symptoms: Constipation, Heartburn (loads of that one), Nausea (but lessened ever since I was given medication for it a week ago),  Appetite is starting to increase,  Stomach still feels like it's stretching and every now and then I get some stabbing cramps which have been classified as normal because they only last a few seconds and there is no bleeding involved.

Belly button in or out? In

Wedding rings on or off? On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Moody--Tired

Looking forward to: The ultrasound when they tell us if we are having a little boy or a little girl.  Less than two weeks away!

17 weeks/my due date has changed.

Yesterday (I say "today" in the video because I filmed it yesterday and was planning to post it then, but decided to post it today instead) I went in for a checkup at my Physician's Office. Here are all of the updates so I don't forget with my pregnancy Alzheimer's:
 -Took a while to detect a heartbeat with the doppler since baby was very active and moving around
-Heart rate was 160 BPM (If you don't know anything about baby heartbeats, that means that it was very fast, but healthy)
-I still haven't gained a single pound, but that's to be expected with my loss of appetite
-Doctor/Midwife said that if all I can eat is sugary foods, that's perfectly okay
-She also checked my stomach and said my uterus is definitely growing at a healthy rate and I don't have to worry about baby. She also thinks it's a girl, but we will see in about 2-3 weeks!

Other updates I forgot to say in the video:
-We did our first Hospital tour the other night. For years I've had my heart set on delivering at a Birthing Center, but with our insurance it is actually cheaper to deliver at a Hospital. This Hospital is so nice, though! The rooms are not typical. They hide all the scary machines behind pictures and only use them if you want drugs or there are complications. The rooms have dim lighting, an aromatherapy burner, a CD player/iPod dock so you can play music, a refrigerator with drinks. Each room has a jacuzzi tub, but women can only labor in them, not deliver... so I'm deciding if this is the path I want to take. I was hoping to have a water birth. I am completely pro-natural, unmedicated when it comes to my "birth plan" and nobody's opinions are going to stop me or talk me out of it (that's for another video).

16 weeks (4 months).

4 months! Yes, that feels great to say!  Only 24 weeks to go! :)
This week I purchased my first "official" baby purchase-- a lime green Baby Bjorn!  It's going to come in handy with traveling, especially when I go to Colorado and baby will only be two months old.
Thank you all for your supportive comments on here and on FB concerning my last post.  I have confidence that it won't be like this throughout the entire pregnancy... I have to keep the faith!

I didn't get the all-black picture this week so the beach picture will just have to do!

And my vlog:




At New Smyrna Beach this weekend with David and the mom and dad-in-law.  It's going to be a great few days--I love getting away :)  Will post pictures when I get back, of course!

discouraged.

This is probably going to be a very depressing post, and a lot of rambling but whatever. This is my blog, right?  So, if you don't want to hear it you don't have to read it.

I'm 16 weeks on Wednesday and I am already so done with this pregnancy.
My whole life I envisioned this glorious time in life when you just feel so beautiful and whole and complete; where women run around barefoot dancing in fields and holding their bellies and the world is of rainbows and unicorns.

I'm calling BS. On all of it.

I have never--mark my words-- ever felt this crappy in my entire life.  I've had my fair share of sicknesses but I've never had 4 months of the same sickness every day over and over again.  The feeling of hopelessness every morning when I get up because I know that by the end of the day after I get off work I'm not going to have the energy, stomach, or stamina to cook or clean... or do anything productive.  Knowing that my husband probably dislikes his life right now so much because I can't measure up to the wife he once knew.  Knowing that no matter what I eat, I'll only be able to have a few bites of it if I'm lucky before I feel a wave of nausea hit me or I run to the bathroom.

I'm tired. I'm aching. I have headaches.  I just don't feel like myself anymore.  I don't feel good enough. I honestly feel like I'm already failing at this motherhood thing--combining all these different tasks and excelling at them.  I haven't passed the test.

I'm so hungry, but I can't eat a thing.  This is the worst feeling.

I want to provide nourishment for my baby but how is that going to happen?  Everyone gives me a hard time about eating candy but it's all I can keep down.  I feel guilty about it every day.  I want my baby to be healthy and I'm so ready for this all to end so I can be a good mother.  I need to be the mother I am expected to be.

I'm discouraged.

15 weeks.

Yep, so I know I haven't documented the last 14 weeks (or more like 10) but I figured it's better to start late than not at all!  I also decided to start vlogging.  I've never vlogged before but I want to remember every part of this pregnancy, and then carry it over to my baby when I have it and them growing up through the years.  I live so far away from my family and friends in Colorado, so I figured this would be a great way to keep everyone updated!

Here is my first vlog post!  Oh, and by the way, I made this on a seperate channel than my music one, so please subscribe!  And comment below if you have any vlog requests :)

we are having a baby.

I'm such a private person by nature, but I think in the last couple of years I have been more cautious as to what I say to the online community, and when.  I've been hesitant on when to post this, but this is such a happy time in our lives and I don't want to hold it in...

We're having a baby!

God has blessed us abundantly and far beyond what we imagined.  Thank you all for your support during this time.  

It's been a very rough pregnancy for me.  I've been very sick and just trying to take it by the day.  I am on medication now, but I only take it when it's needed.  I try not to complain too much and to just enjoy every second of this beautiful time in life, but honestly I haven't been able to enjoy it much.  Thank you for those praying for me!  I've been in my second trimester for a few weeks now and I was hoping that it would settle down, but this baby is enjoying giving me a hard time.  It's going to be a stubborn one, I already know. ;-)