This is probably going to be a very depressing post, and a lot of rambling but whatever. This is my blog, right? So, if you don't want to hear it you don't have to read it.
I'm 16 weeks on Wednesday and I am already so done with this pregnancy.
My whole life I envisioned this glorious time in life when you just feel so beautiful and whole and complete; where women run around barefoot dancing in fields and holding their bellies and the world is of rainbows and unicorns.
I'm calling BS. On all of it.
I have never--mark my words-- ever felt this crappy in my entire life. I've had my fair share of sicknesses but I've never had 4 months of the same sickness every day over and over again. The feeling of hopelessness every morning when I get up because I know that by the end of the day after I get off work I'm not going to have the energy, stomach, or stamina to cook or clean... or do anything productive. Knowing that my husband probably dislikes his life right now so much because I can't measure up to the wife he once knew. Knowing that no matter what I eat, I'll only be able to have a few bites of it if I'm lucky before I feel a wave of nausea hit me or I run to the bathroom.
I'm tired. I'm aching. I have headaches. I just don't feel like myself anymore. I don't feel good enough. I honestly feel like I'm already failing at this motherhood thing--combining all these different tasks and excelling at them. I haven't passed the test.
I'm so hungry, but I can't eat a thing. This is the worst feeling.
I want to provide nourishment for my baby but how is that going to happen? Everyone gives me a hard time about eating candy but it's all I can keep down. I feel guilty about it every day. I want my baby to be healthy and I'm so ready for this all to end so I can be a good mother. I need to be the mother I am expected to be.
I'm discouraged.
di-clectin girl!
ReplyDeleteHang in there shay, God will bless you both with an amazing child it will all be worth it. It's easy for me to say that but you have my sympathy and prayers!
ReplyDeleteJer
Thanks, brother. Your prayers are what I need. :)
DeleteIf it gets too bad, maybe you should see the Dr. There might be something wrong. Maybe the baby is having some sort of allergic reaction to what you're eating. You also may need to be put on I.V's so that the baby is getting proper nourishment. I'll be praying for you. It's just a milestone, it WILL get better. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you, Laura. I'll definitely be speaking to my doc when I go in next week!
DeleteRemember above all else that pregnancy is one of the most traumatic events our bodies can endure. I say this not to discourage you but to remind you that our bodies can only take so much, many are willing to give into urges such as drinking/smoking, poor diets or bad health in general during this crucial first trimester. But your stronger than that, and your willingness to share your struggles shows how much you care about your family. I doubt your husband's main concerns for you right now involve ANYTHING to do with cleaning and cooking. Focusing on your health and diet right now is the only smart decision for everyone involved, everything you posted about NEEDS to be brought to your doctor immediately (persistent morning sickness, weakness, nausea, diet concerns, feelings of guilt and hopelessness are all things that need to be addressed).
ReplyDeleteHang in there Shay, we all have faith in your ability to be a good mother, and this time will surely pass. Your in our thoughts and prayers.
I have talked to my doctor about these things but will address them again. I have medication to take (for nausea) but I don't like taking it all the time, and only take it on my worst days. I am just at a very low point right now. When the baby gets here, I'm sure that it will all come so naturally. I've never experienced this before so, like anything, I have to take it a day at a time. But it's comments from all of you that help me get through. I think one of the biggest things needed during pregnancy is SUPPORT, so thanks for your comment!
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