bold.

Even though I have a personality similar to a golden retriever (steady & loyal), occasionally the fierce lion can come out.

It hasn't been out in awhile though, and I'm just recently discovering it again, saying "hello" and seeing what happens.
My friends use to describe me as audacious.
Is it possible I can be that same girl?

This past year (2010) just felt like a year of low-self esteem, of hiding out and being scared or nervous or just plain lonesome. I guess we all have those moments as they're inevitable - but having them all at the same time feels so deadly. My soul was crushed this last year and while I've been putting the pieces back together (with a BIG help from the Man upstairs) I've discovered the things that kept me sane, made me feel alive - my passions, fantasies, dreams, desires, hopes and wishes.

It's so easy to take those things and push them away,
often because of a critical comment or the way we are perceived by somebody else.

But if it's real,
it will come back.
Those things that once felt so far away start to make their way to the surface, gleaming proudly.

And that's when you realize that it was there all along, even when you thought it left.
This, more often than not, is how I feel about God. I'll be walking great in my faith, feeling close to Him and then-wham!-what happened? Why do I feel so far from God? I can do without Him. Or maybe I can't. Wait, I know I can't. I knew that all along because I'm His child.

And the cycle continues.
We never have everything together.
Not even those that look like they do. You know who I'm talking about, we all have them-
those facebook friends that are always beaming in their pictures and make their statuses sound like they are more interesting than we are when, in a sense, they can be putting on a facade because we all feel the same things, we all go through the trials, and they do not have their lives together.

We are all just put on a chaotic world and we have to learn by our mistakes and failures in order to grow and paint the canvas of what we want our lives to look like.

I'm tired of the timid Shaylee that has been as of lately.
I'm not created that way.
I may not have it together, but I want to make a commitment to constantly push myself even when I feel too scared to keep going or even when I feel burdened by sadness as those emotions occur often within me.

With God, I have potential.
He wants to use me for something BIG!
Believe it or not, He feels the same way about you.
Don't believe me?

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor 9:8)


I'm going to bookmark this page for a reminder during those times when I'd rather be a golden retriever in my faith and fail to be a LION.
I hope maybe you'll do the same.
I'm challenging myself this year to take a leap of faith, to rediscover my passions and my heart, and to weave God into it all.


If you feel like sharing below, tell me one thing God has really changed your heart on. Some things for me are my current situation, my marriage, and the talents He has given me.

and the adventure begins

What better way to start a new season in our lives than traveling to Miami for a few days to catch up with one of our greatest friends, Aaron? Whenever I'm about to start packing for a trip where I'm seeing someone I love and never see (which is almost everyone, considering how I moved clear across the country) I get so excited that I could literally jump 20 feet high and do a weird high-pitched mating call of some sort. Yes, I'm a pretty calm and easy-going person, but reuniting is my favorite thing of all time. It brings out the crazy side most will never see!

(I intended to put pictures here of us with Aaron, but iLife 2011 is downloading so it won't let me open my iPhoto, and facebook is being weird so I can't get the pics of there...weird...)

Now all we have to do is hope that the Civic runs smoothly. It's been one thing after another with our cars. I admit it's been stressing me out! I had to get the the driveshaft joint fixed, then a day later I have a flat tire. Now come to find out I have to put more work on my car. Then this morning David's check engine light came on. By then we just laughed. What else could we do?

Reminds me of the new Francesca Battistelli song. I wasn't able to find it on playlist.com so I am going to embed a video of her singing live (pause the player below to listen).
All the trials whether big or small that we go through all align to God and the purpose that He has. I certainly don't understand it all the time, but He's God and we aren't suppose to!



I will post in a few days! :)

change.

I'm not always so great with change and getting completely out of my comfort zone but I know that as a Christian woman I need to be prepared for anything and be sensitive to what God tells me in my life.

Lately, He has spoken a lot and our world has flipped.
Yesterday was our last Sunday at the church we've been leading worship for the last 10 months. We were faced with much adversity from our worship team and even some members of the church. At first I thought things could get better, that people would start to accept and respect my husband and we would all love each other and be happy.
But I know this isn't a perfect world. We are all completely full of flaws, character defects, and problems... but that still didn't stop my heart breaking for my husband.
Through all the trials and tribulations he endured, it was very clear how faithful he was to listening to God's voice and to follow his true calling. Many times I flat out told him, "We need to leave the church. I can't take it anymore" and he said, very calmly, "That's not what it's about, Shaylee."

And it truly isn't.
No matter where we go or what we do in this life we are going to be with others that don't like us one bit, are opposed to the way we are or the things we do, and will always find something wrong with us. That's okay. We are here to spread the gospel through love and grace because that is who God is to us.

I admit we've been hurt by some things that have been said or done against us, but I believe we are in a rapid healing process. Though it's hard and the easy thing to do would be to hold grudges and just walk away, I am forgiving these people without them even offering an apology. It's an awareness that we are fallen creatures and I am no different than any of them. I, too, have gossiped about people and have destroyed them with my tongue. I have treated people poorly because they didn't see my view on things. I'm a sinner rescued by the grace of God.

Knowing God has these people covered and I don't need to dwell on it is peaceful for me. He is in complete control over the church and the leaders. He can change anyone's heart or mind in a second.

Unfortunately, this kind of situation is what brings a lot of people further from God and bitter with the church. And that breaks my heart, truly. At a place where we are suppose to feel accepted, loved and embraced, many people often feel attacked, unwelcomed, and judged. I think it's extremely important to remember this. These aren't just statistics, but the reality we are living in. To the believers in Christ that are reading my blog you all need to pray.
Pray for your church, your leaders, the people who come to your church every week and don't feel welcomed, and also pray for your heart. The heart can be very deceitful and we can be so comfortable in our bubble that we forget to extend our hands and reach out. I, too, am so guilty of this and I know I need to be led by the Spirit more.

I'm so grateful for the past 10 months. I've met some great friends that will forever be my family, I've learned a lot not only about ministry but about God, I love the youth of the church and think they are amazing and wonderful, and our Pastor was a true Shepherd. He doesn't only minister to the congregation on Sunday mornings but every day of the week at every hour. He is so compassionate and loving and he gave us a chance. We walked into the church freshly married and out of worship school, young and naive (still are I'm sure) and this Pastor knew we would not be the most experienced of all people, but he trusted us. He knew that we could build relationships with people and he saw our potential.

Even at the last moments of being there the only word I can think of is grateful because this experience has made me and David closer to each other and both of us closer to God. Isn't it crazy that in the hard times we can feel God's presence so much more because we need it? We can feel Him in the good times, too, but the bad times His presence is so much more apparent.

We have a great God.

Oh, and I've been sticking to all my New Years resolutions so far.
I've lost 5 pounds,
I learned "Can you Feel the Love Tonight" on the piano with both hands (don't ask about the song choice, it just happened that way),
and I have several auditions this week that I'm going to.

And I dyed my hair back to red. I figured that 2011 would be a year of change. It certainly is. So I needed a 'do that would fit that. It's totally rockin'.

We don't know what's next or even where we are going, but it's the start of a great adventure. I'm truly excited for it, and a little nervous at the same time.
God's the author of our lives and right now I know He is grinning and saying, "My plans are huge. Just you wait and see."

a weekend to remember.

My niece, nephew, brother-in-law and sister-in-law came in last week to spend the next few days with us here in Orlando. We had a lovely time together and, as always with them, I took many pictures. I will have a "deep" blog later this week, but for now enjoy the pictures!

PARK





Look at his face... he was on the verge of crying.







CELEBRATING CHRISTMAS










BEACH HOUSE FOR NEW YEARS






















A little wine while playing "Pretty Pretty Princess"








DISNEY WORLD & RACHAEL GETTING A PRINCESS MAKEOVER



I call this picture "Shaylee needs a serious hair makeover." I'm getting on that very soon.


Rachael awaiting her makeover








This is her trying to pucker her lips.

Her fairy godmother is pouring fairy dust (glitter) on her head and having her make a wish



This was the moment we were all waiting for - to see her facial expression when she saw herself for the first time. This picture cracks me up. Look at all the photographers in the reflection of the mirror. She has her own paparazzi:





After the makeover we went to Cinderella's Palace to eat breakfast and we met all the princesses.







He's legit.





Slowly approaching Woody...




Couldn't get Rachael in there... oops!

I love these shows. It's my dream to be in one - singing




Mickey is Sal's idol.



So, call it the Disney spirit I always gain right after a day of magical shows and rides, but I wish and hope all your dreams come true in 2011. It's only 365 days, so make it count.
I just took 4 hours today going through pictures and putting them all on here, so I am going to spend time with them in their last hours here.