It hasn't been out in awhile though, and I'm just recently discovering it again, saying "hello" and seeing what happens.
My friends use to describe me as audacious.
Is it possible I can be that same girl?
This past year (2010) just felt like a year of low-self esteem, of hiding out and being scared or nervous or just plain lonesome. I guess we all have those moments as they're inevitable - but having them all at the same time feels so deadly. My soul was crushed this last year and while I've been putting the pieces back together (with a BIG help from the Man upstairs) I've discovered the things that kept me sane, made me feel alive - my passions, fantasies, dreams, desires, hopes and wishes.
It's so easy to take those things and push them away,
often because of a critical comment or the way we are perceived by somebody else.
But if it's real,
it will come back.
Those things that once felt so far away start to make their way to the surface, gleaming proudly.
And that's when you realize that it was there all along, even when you thought it left.
This, more often than not, is how I feel about God. I'll be walking great in my faith, feeling close to Him and then-wham!-what happened? Why do I feel so far from God? I can do without Him. Or maybe I can't. Wait, I know I can't. I knew that all along because I'm His child.
And the cycle continues.
We never have everything together.
Not even those that look like they do. You know who I'm talking about, we all have them-
those facebook friends that are always beaming in their pictures and make their statuses sound like they are more interesting than we are when, in a sense, they can be putting on a facade because we all feel the same things, we all go through the trials, and they do not have their lives together.
We are all just put on a chaotic world and we have to learn by our mistakes and failures in order to grow and paint the canvas of what we want our lives to look like.
I'm tired of the timid Shaylee that has been as of lately.
I'm not created that way.
I may not have it together, but I want to make a commitment to constantly push myself even when I feel too scared to keep going or even when I feel burdened by sadness as those emotions occur often within me.
With God, I have potential.
He wants to use me for something BIG!
Believe it or not, He feels the same way about you.
Don't believe me?
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations. Jeremiah 1:5
For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. (2 Cor 9:8)
I'm going to bookmark this page for a reminder during those times when I'd rather be a golden retriever in my faith and fail to be a LION.
I hope maybe you'll do the same.
I'm challenging myself this year to take a leap of faith, to rediscover my passions and my heart, and to weave God into it all.
If you feel like sharing below, tell me one thing God has really changed your heart on. Some things for me are my current situation, my marriage, and the talents He has given me.
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