peace.

There are birds flying around in the airport.
I guess I’ve never realized this before about the Denver airport, but there are tiny birds everywhere swooping down and looking like they are barely going to miss hitting people. I like birds so I’m cool with it, other people I’m not so sure…

Every time I leave Colorado I’m filled with mixed emotions. I don’t know how to comprehend them, or to analyze what exactly they mean. There is just overwhelming emotion with the last few years in general. But going to Colorado was a little different for me this time. The last time I was there was October, and David was able to come with me. I remember the gut-wrenching feeling of wishing I was still living there, and the solemn realization that I had made that my life had possibly changed for the worst. After all, I’ve never been one who can handle change all that well. And when you put an extreme family-oriented person 1,500 miles away from family, it does some harm to the soul.

I’m surprised I’m saying this, really, I am… and I’m even wondering if I will mean it once I say it but I think I’m starting to become at peace with not living near the place I call home. It hurts less. Yes, I still feel lonely and sometimes I am down about it, but David is my home.

My mom planned this trip spontaneously. She called me at 9 AM, asked me if I wanted to fly out to Colorado that day, I packed in 15 minutes, and-voila-I ended up seeing my family that day! Because of the fast planning David wasn’t able to make it. I questioned if I should even come by myself, feeling kind of guilty for leaving my poor husband alone to starve and be all by himself… but he encouraged me to come last minute. Thanks, David. I really needed it.

Home is good. It fills the soul and gives you fuel you need through the ups and downs of life. I’m fortunate to have 2 homes. One is with my family in Colorado, the other with my husband in our small condo in Florida. I’m grateful.

Still, I sometimes get upset when I think about the future and how my children aren’t going to be near their grandparents all the time like I was. One set of grandparents live down the street from my parents, and the other live 3 hours away in Laramie, Wyoming. It didn’t matter what I did – whether it was a play I was in, a talent show, a birthday, or the holidays – I always had them around. And yes, I’m blessed to have David’s family just a drive away, but it isn’t the same as my family. Sometimes I feel wrong for saying that, like I’m selfish or ungrateful… I love my mother in-law don’t get me wrong… I’ve just always had this vision of me and my mom going to Toys ‘R Us and buying baby stuff together, having fun mom-daughter dates, baby showers where all my relatives can be there, etc. And not knowing if that’s going to happen for me is tough. (Why all the baby talk? I just really want kids. No, we’re not pregnant. Yes, we’re still planning to wait awhile).

I haven’t even spent Christmas with my family since I’ve been married. We haven’t been able to afford coming the last two Christmases, so I’m hoping we can make it this year.

Moving away is tough.

But, really, this week away from my husband (first time we’ve been away from each other since being married) has been good in so many ways. Makes me miss him more, reflect on us more, and get excited about our future together. David just accepted a job I know he is going to love, and I’m proud of him and happy for him.
I’ve realized how good we are for each other and how much God really knew what He was doing when He put us together (and I vow to read this post when I’m thinking otherwise). David is my love, my life.

I know I always say I’m going to post pictures, but this time I promise I will. They will be on here in the next few days!

P.S. I've been a slacker with the posts, and I also vow to write more! And take more pictures!