transparency.

my heart aches for something more.
I want to see how God sees me. I want to know my purpose.
I just stare out foggy windows, seeing a bright world but not knowing what it means.
My insecurities, they keep holding me back.
My fears can sometimes get the best of me. I'm told that I'm too young to really know anything.
But I know a lot more than most think.

I know how I feel, what I dream of. I feel hurt and I feel joy. I'm confused and estranged one day, and then so sure the next. There has to be something more.

My heart beats for more.

God, I need you now more than I ever have.
I need your love because this world lacks too much of it.
I need your hope because you have planted so many desires in me and gave me life to make it happen.
I need your peace because I often feel alone.

God, I need you.
For you are the only concrete thing I will ever know.
You never walk away. You hold me in your arms.
You sing back to me the melody of what is in my heart.
I know I am a sinner, and do wrong every day
and I'm so sorry I break your heart.
I need you.
So please calm my mind, my heart, and my body.
Show me who You want me to be.
Direct my steps and  open the doors,
so that I can get closer to the real me.
The beautiful me.
The gentle me.
The peaceful me.

My heart wants nothing more than all of these things.
Please fill me and make me whole.