17 weeks/my due date has changed.

Yesterday (I say "today" in the video because I filmed it yesterday and was planning to post it then, but decided to post it today instead) I went in for a checkup at my Physician's Office. Here are all of the updates so I don't forget with my pregnancy Alzheimer's:
 -Took a while to detect a heartbeat with the doppler since baby was very active and moving around
-Heart rate was 160 BPM (If you don't know anything about baby heartbeats, that means that it was very fast, but healthy)
-I still haven't gained a single pound, but that's to be expected with my loss of appetite
-Doctor/Midwife said that if all I can eat is sugary foods, that's perfectly okay
-She also checked my stomach and said my uterus is definitely growing at a healthy rate and I don't have to worry about baby. She also thinks it's a girl, but we will see in about 2-3 weeks!

Other updates I forgot to say in the video:
-We did our first Hospital tour the other night. For years I've had my heart set on delivering at a Birthing Center, but with our insurance it is actually cheaper to deliver at a Hospital. This Hospital is so nice, though! The rooms are not typical. They hide all the scary machines behind pictures and only use them if you want drugs or there are complications. The rooms have dim lighting, an aromatherapy burner, a CD player/iPod dock so you can play music, a refrigerator with drinks. Each room has a jacuzzi tub, but women can only labor in them, not deliver... so I'm deciding if this is the path I want to take. I was hoping to have a water birth. I am completely pro-natural, unmedicated when it comes to my "birth plan" and nobody's opinions are going to stop me or talk me out of it (that's for another video).

fall lovin'.

All my friends and family in Colorado start posting fall status updates and pictures in mid-September while I sat here in the heat. But, I'm excited to say, I think fall has FINALLY arrived in Central Florida! I have all my windows open and my Apple Cider candle lit and it feels like fall... even if it only lasts for a few days. Hopefully this heat in full force has disappeared because I would love nothing more than to be nauseas in cold weather, not hot.

 But we're slipping away to New York next week so we will get to experience a cold, pumpkin-picking, boot-wearing fall which I am more than excited about. This weekend we hung out in New Smyrna Beach. Friday night we visited the Romney/Ryan rally right on the boardwalk in Daytona, and on Saturday we attended the Chili and Craft Beer Festival. I'm not a huge beer girl, but I have to say my mouth was watering when David started trying all the pumpkin beers and seasonal ones and I just had to sit there and watch. It was a fun experience, though, and I sure did get my exercise in this weekend!



I also "interviewed" David at the pool about becoming a father. He's getting more excited each and every day. He's seriously going to be the best dad ever.

16 weeks (4 months).

4 months! Yes, that feels great to say!  Only 24 weeks to go! :)
This week I purchased my first "official" baby purchase-- a lime green Baby Bjorn!  It's going to come in handy with traveling, especially when I go to Colorado and baby will only be two months old.
Thank you all for your supportive comments on here and on FB concerning my last post.  I have confidence that it won't be like this throughout the entire pregnancy... I have to keep the faith!

I didn't get the all-black picture this week so the beach picture will just have to do!

And my vlog:




At New Smyrna Beach this weekend with David and the mom and dad-in-law.  It's going to be a great few days--I love getting away :)  Will post pictures when I get back, of course!

discouraged.

This is probably going to be a very depressing post, and a lot of rambling but whatever. This is my blog, right?  So, if you don't want to hear it you don't have to read it.

I'm 16 weeks on Wednesday and I am already so done with this pregnancy.
My whole life I envisioned this glorious time in life when you just feel so beautiful and whole and complete; where women run around barefoot dancing in fields and holding their bellies and the world is of rainbows and unicorns.

I'm calling BS. On all of it.

I have never--mark my words-- ever felt this crappy in my entire life.  I've had my fair share of sicknesses but I've never had 4 months of the same sickness every day over and over again.  The feeling of hopelessness every morning when I get up because I know that by the end of the day after I get off work I'm not going to have the energy, stomach, or stamina to cook or clean... or do anything productive.  Knowing that my husband probably dislikes his life right now so much because I can't measure up to the wife he once knew.  Knowing that no matter what I eat, I'll only be able to have a few bites of it if I'm lucky before I feel a wave of nausea hit me or I run to the bathroom.

I'm tired. I'm aching. I have headaches.  I just don't feel like myself anymore.  I don't feel good enough. I honestly feel like I'm already failing at this motherhood thing--combining all these different tasks and excelling at them.  I haven't passed the test.

I'm so hungry, but I can't eat a thing.  This is the worst feeling.

I want to provide nourishment for my baby but how is that going to happen?  Everyone gives me a hard time about eating candy but it's all I can keep down.  I feel guilty about it every day.  I want my baby to be healthy and I'm so ready for this all to end so I can be a good mother.  I need to be the mother I am expected to be.

I'm discouraged.

15 weeks.

Yep, so I know I haven't documented the last 14 weeks (or more like 10) but I figured it's better to start late than not at all!  I also decided to start vlogging.  I've never vlogged before but I want to remember every part of this pregnancy, and then carry it over to my baby when I have it and them growing up through the years.  I live so far away from my family and friends in Colorado, so I figured this would be a great way to keep everyone updated!

Here is my first vlog post!  Oh, and by the way, I made this on a seperate channel than my music one, so please subscribe!  And comment below if you have any vlog requests :)

we are having a baby.

I'm such a private person by nature, but I think in the last couple of years I have been more cautious as to what I say to the online community, and when.  I've been hesitant on when to post this, but this is such a happy time in our lives and I don't want to hold it in...

We're having a baby!

God has blessed us abundantly and far beyond what we imagined.  Thank you all for your support during this time.  

It's been a very rough pregnancy for me.  I've been very sick and just trying to take it by the day.  I am on medication now, but I only take it when it's needed.  I try not to complain too much and to just enjoy every second of this beautiful time in life, but honestly I haven't been able to enjoy it much.  Thank you for those praying for me!  I've been in my second trimester for a few weeks now and I was hoping that it would settle down, but this baby is enjoying giving me a hard time.  It's going to be a stubborn one, I already know. ;-)